I’m at a crossroads, and I’m starting to second-guess my decisions. Is leaving Pittsburgh the right thing to do? Yes. I’m certain of that. Staying in Pittsburgh simply isn’t an option. Is Providence the right place for me to go? I believe so. But I want to believe that, too. Am I being blinded by my own desire to live there?
For the past few months, my focus was on finding a job so I could move to Providence. Is that the right way to do this? Or should I find the jobs and then decide where to live? I’ve been so hell-bent on Providence that the job has been secondary.
If I get the job in Boston, should I live in Boston? I don’t think so. It’s just so expensive to live there. But if I commute, I’ll be giving up two hours of each day to the commute. When I was commuting between NYC and Philly on the train, I used the time to do a lot of reading and writing. But do I really want to give up two hours of my day?
One of the things that scares me the most is moving. This is going to have a big impact on me financially and emotionally. If I get homesick, I can’t just up and move again.
The thing that terrifies me is my friends. What if I do something that alienates my friends up there. What if I’m diluding myself into thinking we’re better friends than we really are and I find this out too late? I only know a handful of people, and it’s hard for me to make new friends quickly. I’m afraid of being seriously alone in a new city.
And the move… what if I have a serious attack with my MS during the move? Stress and exhaustion are things that can trigger an attack.
So yeah, I have a ton on my mind at the moment, and I’m scared.